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Tag Archives: work

What’s Up, Grinning Boy?

This is me with my hands clasped to my face in a gesture that is entirely unlike me, smiling a smile that isn’t mine — some fool’s smile, ear to ear, too broad, too wide. So many words out there that do nothing for me and then hers come, unexpected, into my morning shot through with rain, train delays and my return to conflict. Anyone seeing me now would think I’d been kicked in the head and left with massive brain damage, and maybe I have been.

This is me smiling through the first-thing-someone-in-the-office-did-was-slap-me-on-the-back. Through the construction-worker-upstairs-keeps-yelling-“Hell-Yeah!” Through the feeling of my skin stretching out behind me.

Elevator Action

The elevator in our building is acting up — every so often when it hits the third floor, it does a little drop and then jumps up and down five or six times.

The first time it did this, I jumped with it, backed up and held on for dear life. But now, I just ride with it, waiting it out.

Am I so mellow these days? God forbid.

Anniversary!

My one year anniversary at Type A Multimedia Network is today. Not bad — 3.3 years at closerlook, 9 months unemployed and 1 year at Type A. Travel backwards through that and you’ll find me a couple months out of graduation, a scared and hopeless little boy. Exciting to see just how far we’ve come….because now I am a scared and hopeless little man…. Here’s to it!

Getting Nowhere

I don’t know where I went wrong today — do you hear that? Where I went wrong today. Not in my life — that’s a bigger issue that I have no hope of figuring out. I’m just looking, right now, at where today went awry. This is bigger than your standard-issue Sunday-got-to-go-back-to-work-tomorrow blahs.

Last night I’m wandering around my apartment, tempted to start hitting walls and doors, deciding somehow to forget about women forever. Really, to forget about everyone forever. Thinking perhaps this project is just taking me out completely of the game of life. What is the deal here? Where did I turn….now I am starting to look at where I went wrong in life.

Things have just been so different lately… What is it? Where did all this come from? I feel like the path has just changed recently…somehow…but I can’t pinpoint where it diverged, or what’s different…or anything.

I’ve been playing these games where I’m trying to flirt my way to freedom and it’s not working, of course… And I just don’t know. It’s gotta be this work thing… Like my feet are stuck in sludge and I can’t move freely…. And I’ve somehow repolarized myself…. But….what am I missing?

What the fuck am I saying? I…. yeesh. Feel like brain chemistry is altered.

Well, this didn’t go well at all.

propanolol

I keep trying to crack my neck and it doesn’t work. I enjoy, however, the action of stretching my head to one side and then the other.

My hands are shaking from the action of gripping a pen too tight during morning meeting — writing furiously 7 love notes to co-workers. I can feel my fingers trembling. Wish I had my drugs for it, but they are usually not needed and so are at home.

Feh.

Type A at Navy Pier

Here we are at Navy Pier — Type A away day. Laptop and wireless connection and very little we can do with that. Better than the office, though not nearly as comfortable…..if only there was something to do….something indeed.

today’s mantra

today’s mantra appears to be:

“it’s gonna be a shitty day.”

tryinta get the dog to shut up, get my shit together, get my act looking semi-decent for client meeting, none of it is working. want to go…home and back to sleep. haven’t had go-home urge as strong as this in long time. nerdy i-can-just-hit-cmd-h-right thoughts.