Yesterday, trying to light a cigarette and my zippo failing me, I was convinced that I could light it with the fire shooting out of my eyes.
The zippo finally came through.
So much anger and rage lately, I’ve been unable to even categorize any other feelings. Tough to know what anything is about with the cloud just there….Very much looking forward to being through with this and able to live free….issue free?
So much to do, so much to see, so what’s wrong with taking the …. oh fuck that…
very angry today. (hungry too).
don’t know why. nothing triggered — though this morning when clearing away the negative vestiges of some nightmare and feeling the relief of “thank god it was just a dream” i realized that there was lingering evil from the night before and perhaps that is pressing down on me today. just another cubs loss, but this one just stupid. you figure with the lead 6-4 in the bottom of the 9th that gordon won’t give up a 3-run, 2-out, 2-strike home run to preston wilson, but you’d be wrong. dead wrong.
and fuck, that’s just gotta be what’s pushing me down low today and so i can feel things affecting me. the feeling is so minute — consciously, i just can’t feel too much about it. either the cubs will win or lose. or win their division. or not. or whatever. they’ve lost before, sure. i’ve been there.
but somewhere in the back of my head, i think it must have just flipped the “crap mood” switch and so here i am. testy.
and nothing to show for it.